The Florida Courts

October 30: Orlando, Florida. Once again back near Disney's Magic Kingdom, I was on hand to witness, near-and-past midnight, a deux (deus) ex machina at the end of a long and torturous Grimm Brothers' story (cf Bill's labeling of Barack as a "fairy tale," an allusion which enraged black Americans but which also overlooked the awe-fullness of the fairy tale genre) here we have the long-delayed appearance of former President Bill Clinton ("the first black President," thus spake Nobel Laureate Toni Morrison in the 1990s, though she has since disavowed that nomination in light of Bill's fairy tale "diss" of Obama) and also here on the same stage we have the first white President Barack Obama (thus spake one Kai Johnson, as I will explain). First, note the messianic problem of the dual appearance, as if Christ himself were to show up at his own Second Coming: the stage a mirrored black/white, white/black self-canceling. Bill Clinton reminded his 35,000 auditors that it was he ("oh virile one!") who had put Florida back in the Democrat's side (or did he say in his "hands"? a term more appropriate for the violence of his historical conquest of this Sunshine State), as if Florida were a maiden of psycho-sexual conquest, a re-minder which rendered Al Gore and John Kerry (defeated here in 00 and 04) eunuchs re Florida, though for Gore all one need say is, "The Florida courts," to strike a chilling memory into the bones of Democrats who recall the Supreme Court-ordained theft (cf Bush v Gore) which set the USA on the bloody road it has been wearily on ever since: and, apropos of that legal space, the court, I took the opportunity earlier in the day to be esco(u)rted by one of Barack's African-American young staff members, one Kwame O'Connor, he from Port St Lucie, who took me to the "projects" to meet so-called "urban" youths and have them "testify" to their political leanings: I met Kai Johnson, 24, Gary Toussaint, 27 and Dwayne Campbell, 25 (their white friend Billy Hightower had to leave). These men spend a good deal of libidinous energy playing on the Florida (basketball) courts. Our brief exchanges are recorded below.

Dwayne: Yo, Guy, where you say your from, France?

Guy: Yes.

Gary: France is smack, bro, how long you been trotting your own self around this U S of A?

Guy: It has been about seven months.

Kai: Yo! Seven months. Nigger been stuck on an episode of Lost a long time eh, bee?

Guy: Are you men voting in the election on Tuesday?

Dwayne: Yo check it, my sister Shantia went down and tried to do that early voting stuff man I was tripping when I saw the lines man snaking round the block like they were giving away Grand Theft Auto or some shit. She said they be hassling the elders on line. They be thinking that this early voting thing just a scam to throw out their votes when no one is looking.

Guy: Shall you vote, Dwayne?

Dwayne: Nah, I shall not. I got too long a sheet. I stay away from them polls. I don't need no snake from parole slithering up to my door on account of seeing my name on some dumb ass voter registration sheet.

Guy: And you, Kai? What do you think of Obama?

Kai: Man, Obama, you guys seen that clip online about the secret half-brother of Obama, lowlife sucking on the pipe who lives in a trailer? Some laughing at that so much I was crying. They send a TV crew out there talk to this secret half-brother who says "Barack disowned me!" that shit was sick funny. But, for real, I like Obama, Guy. But let me slip you a little secret about the bro. This just you and me, ok, Guy? The bro Barack ain't a bro. See, he's half black half white but in this country your skin is black you be black.

Gary: Word. So why you saying he ain't a bro?

Kai: So, see this guy, Barack, face it, he's one smart dude. He's Einstein this guy. He knows, Yo, 'I got to be as white as Wonder Bread if I want to win this election, man I got to be as white as mayo-fuckin-nnaise, you know what I mean, I'm talking I got to be Hellmans Mayonnaise white.' You check what I'm saying here, homie? So every day man, Barack gets up and says, ok, let me make sure I talk white enough for whitey today, dig? He's thinking white white white white, twenty-four and seven.

Gary: Man, you sick with that Kai.

Dwayne: No he's right man. That's the God's truth. But hey, I don't hold that shit against Barack. He's doing what he got to do.

Kai: You bet your ass he does. And so, see, Guy, that's my little secret you take home to your bros and sistas and even the hoes in gay Paris, okay? You tell them that what they will see while they're sitting round their little French TVs eating their mofo croissants and mofo cafe-au-lait is we here just elected ourselves the first white President.

Guy: Obama will be the first white President? Alors, do explain more, please. Maybe I mishear. Is this like Franz Fanon's theory of white masks?

Kai: You heard me straight. I ain't talking Halloween mask and I don't know no Franz Phenonemon. This is my theory. Listen, no other brother, white or black, in the history of this here country, which you know Guy, we started out with slavery--

Dwayne: Hey hey hey. Don't go there Kai. We don't need that negativity this week. You cause Guy here go home and say he talked to a bunch of bitter-ass, pissed-off no good black homies in F-L-A.

Kai: Chill, man. Hear me the hell out first. What I am saying is, we got this brother about to be elected President. And you tell me what other dude running for President ever spent that much energy making sure he got people thinking he's white even though his skin be black? So you see man, even every white we elected. Even George fucking Washington never had to wake up and say, okay, let me make sure whitey knows I be white, you know? So that's all I'm saying, dude. No disrespect to B-a-r-a-c-k. But check it, he'll be our first white President.

Gary: Hey but he still got the black in him. He stayed true to who is skin says he is, you know what I'm saying? You see that little strut he got in his step like he coming down here to call us out on the court.

Kai: That's right. That's right. I said from the get-go, you watch, this Barack one smart-ass gangster.