Guy de Languedoc Interviewed by CNN on eve of Ohio Primary

March 4 Youngstown, Ohio
CNN: Guy, now, until very recently, your own country was known for its more tolerant view of politicians’ private lives; so what do you think of Hillary Clinton as we go into this final contest?

GD: Wolf, your insistence on the word “contest” is peculiarly American, suggesting a quest for some unnameable prize, its identity and worth remains a national secret, an unknown, that to say, a taboo presented as a sport.

CNN: Let’s leave the steroids controversy out of this, Jacques; what did you think of Hillary’s speech here in Cleveland?

GD: Well, Wolf, I am puzzled by her posture of presumed immediacy ("I'm so ready!") dressed in fascist clothing ("to be commander in chief on day one!".

CNN: I’m sorry, but are you comparing Hillary Clinton to the fascists, to the Nazis? A lot of people in our viewing audience would be offended...

GD: What I am saying is her discourse of preparedness is a ritualized self-coronation. But this coronation is preempted by the Obamian hand and forefinger which marks out for itself a revolutionary ‘now-ness’ that excludes Hillary’s regal ‘next-ness’; viz., you, see, Wolf, her puritanical readiness yearns for a safe Clintonian habitat from which she is forever exiled.

CNN: Well let’s leave Jimmy Carter’s habitat for humanity out of this, for the time being...Jacques, what do you think of the press’ coverage of Hillary?

GD: The “news cycle” [and I stress, Wolf, your network’s use of a laundry metaphor to refer to its work], this news cycle (“spin”) rather than cleaning re-enacts a profane staining transposed onto Hillary’s record [read, her “dress”]. Thus her reaching toward the “Oval Office” is turned into a televised sexualized parody of itself, a second impeachment, if you will, in which she is a mere voyeur of her husband’s phallic past.

CNN: Well if you're referring to the Monica Lewinsky scandal and to the former President’s dominance of her campaign, Bill has since been “muzzled”

GD: This “muzzling” proves my point, Wolf, suggesting as it does a leather mask, S & M. Hillary is a victim of her own campaign’s rhetoric of sadism.

CNN: Well, I don’t want to discuss fetishism with you, Jacques... so let’s talk about Barack, our latest CNN/Taco Bell poll shows that she still has a slight edge over Obama here in Ohio.

GD: Wolf, the poll is the phantasm and fetish from which Hillary cannot escape. Her imagined audience [polled] has long since been subsumed into Obama’s recursive fictions of the American body-as-collective-messiah: “Yes we can” [Oui, nous pouvons]

CNN: Are you saying Obama is a right-wing fundamentalist? Or that he speaks French?

GD: No, such a charge of pious Christianity or urbane bilingualism would involve eclipse of his already imposed identity as an Islamic warlord. By the way, is Wolf Blizter your real name? This sounds like what we call a nom de porn.